’bout ghostly moon

Ive not written in some time for various rhymes and reasons I wont go far into here. Writing has always been a expressive tool in my belt for those times my own spoken words werent enough. This is going to be one of those times…I’ve felt like I’ve held all this in, thats never a healthy choice, I have to change that….my apologies in advance.

Last month today I was given some terrible news, again in which details are not necessary to divulge. In short, a father, nephew, cousin, brother, lover, friend, son, left this space we all occupy….way too fucking soon. I’ve not felt like myself. I’ve tried to put the smile on, I’ve tried to live for the day. But its been so hard…

I loved and hated him like a brother. We shared a history that is topped by few; if any, in my lifes entirety. Those times are pinnacled as far as heaven reaches, and run as deep as hell itself can go. We partied like rockstars, and consistently felt ourselves humbled by lifes mysteries.

We….I…took all those good times for granted, and let our last disposition now dictate the end of our Journey. Now youre gone and the chance for that to change is as well…and to plainly say, it hurts – it breaks my heart. The night I finally cried took weeks. More then weeping. More than sad. They were tears of loss. Tears Ive shared with you once before.

Your service was across the street from his house. I think you would have found that fitting, passing 2 days after the 23 year mark of that loss we all shared. You wouldn’t believe whats all gone on in the time we hadn’t spoken. I actually quit smoking, got myself a bonafide professional career. Donated my hair another 3 times! Youd love the woman Im with. A gem as weve coined it before. Shes beautiful, smart, funny and a damned spitfire, she likes ketchup and Olive Garden though. But I think we can make it work

I saw your daughter for the the first time at your funeral. You would have been so proud. She was wearing a Batman dress of all things, how cool is that? I wanted to introduce myself, tell her how bad ass her dad was. How passionate he was about patchouli oil and the Doors…but she likely already knew.

You should have seen us standing outside. We practically gravitated to form a circle at one point, I wanted to throw up a hackey sack.

Im so sorry old friend. Im sorry I wasnt there. Im sorry I didnt know. You will be remembered. People miss you. You were loved. Examples of how fiercely you lived life are known by every single person who ever met you. A part of you lives on through them. And if I have a say in it, through me as well.

Never in a million fucking years did I think Id be writing this. Not about you. Not like this.

Im sorry.